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on 14-08-2002 21:25
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Published in : , Stories |
We’re all alone, but never alone. We’re all for ourselves, but never are we without another presence. I shed a tear for what I’ve lost but I know that my days are good. These are the good days – every single day is a good day.
It was a Friday morning, everything was normal except that day my baby was to leave me. I had tried to prepare for the moment, the moment of potential pain. No, I won’t cry. I’ll be strong. He’ll be okay. I can do this. I tried, I really did. I made my family breakfast as I would normally. I smiled and I relished everyone’s company; but my thoughts were with him. Would he be okay? Was he strong enough? Was I strong enough? What if everything went wrong?
The day drifted by and it was time to go the hospital. The odds of his survival were slim. This operation was a complicated one. I held him in my arms as we waited for the nurse to bring him a hospital gown. I changed his clothes and held his frail body in my arms as I stroked his head; his father stroking our baby’s cheek.
Finally, he was taken into the surgery room. I kissed him, I hugged him, and I prayed. The family and I all waited, praying with each breath. Two and a half hours later the doctor arrived. The moment had come. The moment I hoped I had wasted my time trying to prepare for, the moment of pain.
The tears came, I couldn’t stop them. I knew he wasn’t suffering anymore, but I needed to cry. Now, so many months later, I have come to realize my place in this world. Only this last week did I stop crying, did I stop missing him. I see the good in it. I feel the good in it. I dream of him sometimes and he’s always smiling as he did on his hospital bed. He still makes me smile as he forever will.
Now I no longer worry about his welfare or about his suffering. Instead, I worry about the use of my life - the point of my life. If that was me instead of him, would I be smiling? I’m learning to live each day as my last and I use his memory as a reminder of my destiny. No words can express my emotions, but my lesson has been learnt.
Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t let anything good go to waste.
A single tear has been shed. One tear per lesson. I await more tears because I know I need them. Now my thoughts have some direction. I have my health, but how am I going to use it?
Last update : 14-08-2002 21:25
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