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on 16-03-2003 21:29
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THE HARD WORK OF UNCLE SHAM
By Uncle Sham
Uncle Sham was hard at work. He would get up every morning before dawn, wake his secretaries for State and Defense and with a war song on their lips set out for work. They worked tirelessly to pass resolutions spending many sleepless nights in the process. After getting the wording exactly right, they would hurry up to the council to pass their resolutions. However, his allies Frank and Kraut would spend all their time engaged in making speeches in the debating society. They had made the Hall of the Assembly into a great debating society.
One day, Uncle Sham peered through his satellite. He saw missiles lying on the ground in a warehouse in a country known for its oil. He found a military truck full of unknown containers leaving for another place. Elsewhere, he overheard conversations which they were not supposed to hear. He quickly called his two allies to show them the evidence.
Hey Frank! Hey Kraut! Come and see what I have found, he called.
His allies, busy with their debates, set them aside for the moment and came running to him.
It is a material breach-of trust. They are moving things before we can get at them. A resolution has to be passed. Who is going to do it?
Not me! said Frank
Not me! said Kraut.
Well, then I will do it myself, said Uncle Sham.
He set down to work. Frank and Kraut went back to the debating society to join the debate going on over there.
Uncle Sham soon had the wording of another resolution just right. He read it to his other allies from the willing coalition, who listened to it in open admiration.
Again, Uncle Sham peered through his satellite. He found planes of evildoers crossing, flying into the forbidden zones.
Hey Frank! Hey Kraut! Come and see, what I have found, he cried
Frank and Kraut set aside their busy schedule at the debating society and came running to his side.
It is again a breach-of trust! That evildoer should be taken to task. Who is going to do it? said Uncle Sham
Not me! said Frank
Not me! said Kraut.
Well, then I will do it myself, said Uncle Sham.
At his command, F-16s flew into the action zones. The evildoers were given a sound thrashing.
Frank and Kraut went back to the debating society to make more speeches.
Some time passed by, and Uncle Sham called up the debating society once again.
Come here, he said to Frank and Kraut. We have to send men and material to one of our allies. It is needed for the war effort. The bill will be 26 billion dollars. It will open a second front in our war against the axis of evil. Who is going to foot the bill?
Not me! said Frank
Not me! said Kraut.
Well, then I will do it myself, said Uncle Sham.
He threw the bag of money over his shoulder and set out to pay the bill in cash and written loan guarantees.
Frank and Kraut went back to the debating society. They made speeches which was met with heavy applause by all the members gathered there. They passed witty comments at one anothe,r and had a whale of a time. The members of the debating society had loads of fun.
Some time passed by, Uncle Sham became restless. The inspectors were taking a long time to disarm the evildoers. Time was running out. The evildoer should understand this was the endgame and it was drawing near. The inspectors should be pressurized to issue a favorable report for Uncle Sham to act decisively, vigorously, and victoriously against the axis of evil.
Uncle Sham called Frank and Kraut at the debating society and outlined his plan. They all had to co-operate on a resolution, which marked the beginning of the end of the great evildoer from the axis of evil.
Whos going to help me pass this resolution? asked Uncle Sham.
Not me! said Frank
Not me! said Kraut.
Uncle Sham thought it over.
Well, then I will have to do it myself, he said
Uncle Sham passed the resolution single handedly. All the non-permanent members of the debating society had to fall into line. The permanent members abstained from the vote in protest and a war was declared against the axis of evil.
Uncle Sham set out for the war with a dozen willing countries helping him. Frank and Kraut went back to make their speeches in the debating society.
When the war was over, Uncle Sham started sending shiploads of oil back to his country. Frank and Kraut thought it was now time to have a share in the pie. They did not wait to be called and came running to him.
Uncle Sham, I need some oil to run my car, said Frank.
Uncle Sham, I need some oil to run my industry, said Kraut
Our ships were ready in the harbor waiting to lift the oil at a moments notice, they said in chorus.
Wait, wait, not so fast! Uncle Sham said. First tell me, who passed the first resolution in the debating society?
You did, said both of them together.
And who heard, what he was not supposed to listen?
You did, they said in a smaller voice.
And who paid 26 billion dollars as loan guarantees and grants to get at the evildoers?
You did, they said in a still smaller voice.
And who fought the war with a dozen of willing countries helping him?
You did, they said in a very, very small voice indeed.
And what were you doing all that time?
Frank and Kraut were silent, for they did not know what to say. They realized that all their brilliant speeches at the debating society had gone wasted. There had been no takers for their words of wisdom. They slipped slowly from their chairs and headed for the door. Uncle Sham was not prepared to share with them the spoils of war.
Uncle Sham did not try to stop them. They had been his allies once and they had outlived their purpose. He called after them and offered them words of advice before they left for their countries.
Time and tide waits for no man,
The early bird catches the worm,
Crime pays well, if you have the nerve to carry it out,
And do not mesh around with Uncle Sham.
Uncle Sham shared the oil with the dozen willing countries. They all helped themselves to huge quantities of oil.
The oil wells of the axis of evil became dry. Nobody would prospect there for oil anymore.
Frank and Kraut have since then become wiser from the experience with Uncle Sham.
[Accredited to A.I. Makki]
Last update : 16-03-2003 21:29
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