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on 02-02-2003 20:21
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By Uncle Sham
LIVE AND LET DIE
One day the son, a great leader, met his father. After dinner, hot tea was served in China cups. The son was in a hurry to get back to the office. He held the piping hot cup of tea with his tie and started to drink it. At this, his father reprimanded him with the following words.
"Georgie porgy, pudding pie,
Dont hold the China cup with your tie."
The son got very angry with his father for correcting him in this manner. He told him, "I am better at doing things than you are. Whenever I decide to do something, I will see it through until the very end."
His father asked him to prove it.
The next day, he addressed the people of his country on the television and said, "Look at me. I am your leader. I will prove to all of you that I am better than my father has ever been in his entire life. I have decided to fight the evildoers of the axis of evil, and shame on him who loses!"
With these words, he declared a war on the axis of evil. Troops were mobilized and dispatched to the war zone. The help of a dozen allied countries was sought. Everybody pooled in men and material for the war effort. Finally, everything was in place. The war began immediately.
They went after each other furiously. Aircrafts, submarines, and ships fired four hundred cruise missiles everyday into the enemy territory. Daisy cutters were dropped. The enemy surrendered. The chief among the evildoers was dead. It was a grand victory for the allies.
The son rode into the enemy city victoriously over a captured enemy tank. He called the soldiers, who hastened to gather around him, and said, "My opponent is dead. From now on I am the sole master of this territory and its oil. No one shall dare disobey me."
Then he climbed on the roof of the enemy tank, and throwing up his hands victoriously, cried out, "I am the strongest, the most important, and the greatest leader in the world! I have proved to everybody that I am better than my father ever was as a leader."
High above in the clouds, an F-16 flew searching for enemy soldiers and tanks. The pilot noticed a single enemy tank with a man on top of it, and a group of people gathered around it. He immediately descended from the sky, and adjusting his sights, fired at the enemy tank. He noticed that he had struck bulls eye. The enemy tank and the man had disappeared from where they had been a moment earlier.
When the truth was finally known and conveyed to his old father, he said, Now you all know, why I had left the task midway during my term in office. I decided to live and let live. Whereas, my son decided to live and let die. In the end, he got what he deserved.
THE INSPECTORS REPORT
The weapon inspectors arrived in the enemy territory. They had been promised complete cooperation. As soon as they alighted, a young general from the enemy camp came forward and saluted them smartly and said, "I am going to look after all your needs here."
The weapon inspectors were shown to a five-star hotel which had been prepared for their stay. The chefs of the hotel were pressed into action and were told to cook the finest dishes of the world to suit the tastes of individual inspectors. Vehicles were arranged for their transport. All the sites that they wished to inspect were thrown open to them instantly. Immediate access was given to them even during their visits to the palaces and private homes. Fresh flowers and fruit bowls were sent to their rooms every morning.
The inspectors were pleased at all the assistance and support that they were getting. They passed their days driving into the countryside enjoying the beautiful scenery on the way. They toured the length and breadth of the city without finding anything. The gadgets that they carried gave them no indication of any wrongdoing.
A soldier, who was accompanying the inspectors, noticed all the help that the inspectors were getting from the general and said, "General, what are you doing! These inspectors are up to no good. When the time will come to submit their report, they will speak only ill of us. No matter what we do they will hold us guilty of not accounting for our weapons. All your hospitality is wasted on them."
The D-Day to submit the report arrived. The Chief Inspector filed his report before the Security Council on 27th Jan. The enemy was not actively cooperating in disarming themselves.
The General heard the report on his television. Turning to his soldier he said, "You were right. Never count on the appreciation of ungrateful people. No matter how much good you do to them, they will always repay you with evil."
LIES AND FLATTERY
The President made the State of the Union address in the Capitol Hill. In his speech, he unveiled a 674 billion dollar budget for his people. He also made a strong case to keep up his fight against the axis of evil. At the end of his speech, the Republicans crowded around him and began to exclaim in chorus, "What a good speech! You are the best President this country has ever had! Your speech hit the right chord among some of the Democrats also. The Country needs a strong hand to guide it in its hour of crisis." The Republicans went on and on praising the Presidents speech.
However, the President was not happy. He had seen disbelief and doubt writ large in the faces of some people in the audience. They had not been convinced about his war on the axis of evil. On his way back from the Capitol Hill, he turned to the Secretary of State sitting beside him in the car and asked, "Tell me, will there ever be any truthful people among the Republicans? When will they stop flattering me and tell me the truth of what they think about my fight against the axis of evil?"
The Secretary of State answered, "If the President of a country is fond of poetry, the people around him who matter will recite poems. If a President is fond of music, our party members will never part from their saxophones. If the President likes to hear the truth about himself, then his party men will always tell him the truth. If our party Senators debase themselves before you with lies and flattery, it means that, you are fond of flattery and lies, for the Republicans always do things that please the President. Judge for yourself Mr. President, who is to blame that our senators and party men do not tell you the truth."
THE RIDDLE
The weapon inspectors had gone deep into the desert to investigate a site. It was time for them to eat their lunch. One of the enemy soldiers in the group decided to test the investigative abilities of the Chief Inspector in the group. He hid an egg in his hand and asked him, "Mr. Inspector, if you can guess what I have in my hand, I shall immediately break it, pour oil over it, make an omelet, and give it to you." The Chief Inspector though for a long time, scratching his baldhead and finally said, "Tell me what color is it?" The soldier replied, "It is white outside and yellow inside." The Chief Inspector thought about it for a long time and said, "I got it! It is a weapons warhead painted white, disguised to hide its appearance from us. Its middle has been filled with a deadly toxin that produces yellow fever!"
[Accredited to A.I. Makki]
Last update : 02-02-2003 20:21
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